I went on an casting completely in rush. I was too tired. I realized it was not the right moment. I was mad and disappointed after that fuck up. I couldn’t believe it in the first place. I directly went the next day to an hooker to release my disappointment feelings. To energize me again. Sure I had erection disorders due sexual trauma. And due seeing girls forced in prostitution. Due getting faced with an girl as a prostitute that turned out to be younger then 18. 16 wtf! I directly canceled it and reported it to the police. Also some girls begged me to help them. They were under fear. The police was scared of these gangs. And I thought to play the hero by going on my own to set her free🤦🏼‍♂️. Result: an psycho pimp behind me. Me with an broken heart that I could do nothing. Next to that 2015 was just an insane moment. My first girlfriend experience was really not the best to say at least. She had multiple personality disorders, a lot of shit and threats, delusions. I played psychologist 2 months for her because I felt for the first time love with an non hooker. Because my first love was actually with an hooker. I learned that sex can trigger endorphins/emotions/love etc, the hard way. Anyways, where was I… Right. That girl of me. Well we had public sex, she was slutty, horny, we had both interest in bdsm and the whole kamasutra. So it was all worth it next to the negatives I thought. I mean September 2014- 2015 was probably the most stressful period in whole my life. So I really could use a fuck. I ignored 200+ woman who had interest in me. Was always focused. But in may 2015 somebody gave my number without permission of me to her. And that is how it started. We were both horny, hyper sexual, nymphomaniac. But after a few weeks I knew it would be nothing more then just an fuckbuddy. But still I attached me too much in her personal situation. She fucked up my mind. And I had enough from women. The heck even escorts. I couldn’t stand the pain, was confused, mad, exhausted, etc. I only could figure out that later. Even the police needed to stop her obsessive stalking. She would create other accounts or cell phone numbers. Would try to excuse her. But I had enough of it. And didn’t accept it. So the police was the only way that she would take some space of me. Because she was just lost in her mind. That time period I learned another different side of girlfriends. Wtf. I wanted this. But I was not ready for such an mental mindfuck I guess. I lost my virginity by an escort, learned everything there, went already one year to the escorts. Still I never searched or chased for an girlfriend and then this. It was just insanity. There were times that she was just waving with an huge kitchen knife in front of me, in trance and anger. Just one of her so many panic attacks/blackouts. Plus she had no limits. And I needed focus. So yeah. My erection was over and out. I had enough of women. I thought love will never exist in my life after this crazy period.

It took me 2-3 years time to finally go back to hookers/escorts. Everybody has the right to fuck I thought. And I don’t need to think that it is always like that. I was traumatized. I thought that a girl suddenly would go in panic attack or fuck me without condoms and suddenly having a baby. Let’s just say. It took another full year. So I went one year to hookers just too see them naked. For an emotional bound, etc. The first time that I saw an escort again was an insane moment. She touched me. Just my cheeck. And after 2-3 years no sex, no warmth, no love, I started to cry it out. Couldn’t move, my mind had so many flashbacks. We immediately needed to stop the session. She said. “Wow, I never experienced this. I think it is better to stop this session. And take some rest”

I came back 1 hour later. Because now I felt even more psychologically broken. I thought I never will experience sex anymore. So I thought to get over my fear/trauma. The second hooker said to slow down. Teached me. I thought wtf. I fucked already 25+ girls. What is happening.

Anyways. She said to me. I need to masturbate a lot, need to come at least 1 time in 2-3 months. Not 3 years anymore. I went 4-5 times more to discover I still had no erection due trauma. We talked instead. It was like a therapy thing. Suddenly I had an erection again. Could cum shot. But not more then that. Then I went to my doctor for advice. I said this is not normal anymore I want to get over this by positive sessions to forget the sexual trauma. He prescribed me viagra. Well actually an modern version.

Less side effects. Still very effective. After taking this everything went much faster in process. “Wow, you have a huge dick”. Said the hooker that always saw my traumatized dick. Now it was fully erect. Play time. After x counts of blowjob sessions it was obviously that everything was just an psychological factor. I actually became good, very good, vip. So to skip whole this story. I fucked 100+ different girls. Had amazing sex, golden showers, 69’s, doggy, cowgirl, tongue kissing etc. You get the point.

The tongue kissing was actually an important part to me. Same as kissing. Same as being horny. Same as getting good blow Jobs, same as 69. Well. To give you the picture. I all needed these things next to an emotional bound. They couldn’t understand why I never chased for an girlfriend. They said I have the toolset, massive cum shots(like for real), can fuck very long and hard if it is erect. And I am just an nice looking guy. Still a crazy strange one. But a lot of girls will like me. That is what they said. Yeah. What could I say. I was not ready for an girlfriend. And thought hookers is the way to go. Actually I created with some deeper bounds. And some actually even wanted to fuck me if I still didn’t chase a girlfriend after my 30 years age. Ahahaha. It was madness, awesome, dirty. I learned everything with trial and error. Sometimes even the hard way. Hygiene on the dick. Always wash your dick!, cut your hair on the balls. It is not cool to taste hair. And not safe to suck an unhygienic dick. Same for nails. Cut those nails. If you do that women love to invite you. Because they see that you care about health and about them. Every girl knows what this means. He loves to finger girls! And my god yes it is true. I really liked that. I had so much vibrations and speed in my strong fingers that they asked for not too long or they needed to pee or squirt. And that is extra money Ahahaha. Well, some even cummed just by sucking their nipples, whispering in their ears, touching their sensitive parts, and playing with their clit. I never will forget that one even cummed in just 10 minutes of 69. I had the right spot with my tongue. And boom. Well, 69. I just love to lick. I did it for 30 minutes or even longer in some sessions. Like foreplay was for me very important. It turned also out that I just need to calm down my mind. Another thing that I learned there. It took a period to come zen. Because sometimes I was fucking and suddenly thought about my next appointment, the groceries, or an random funny moment. Ahahaha and then me loud up. Omg… and the girl like confused. See. I learned this all. I mastered it. It was an long way. And epic way. I can write an damn book about all my sex adventures, failures, etc.

So I thought it was time to go next level. Make from your passion your job. Boom suddenly I contacted Elise van Vlaanderen. Well. Actually I contacted her. Because I had an dream scenario. I wrote my own porn script/fantasy for me and an hooker. She could let it happen for x money. So that was not the way to go. Still she invited me to an casting. Everything was new to me. I had an waterfall of thoughts. Now I had a camera, dicks from other participants, etc. Next to me. I fucked so many girls. Blogged/vlogged countless times. But even viagra didn’t do the job. I was so mad. And it was just an amazing super slut for my adhd mind. She mooned so nice. She was hot. Special/horny/awesome. She was my dream girlfriend!

Like wtf. I went to an casting. Failed due so many new things. And suddenly I had an best FRIEND4LIFE. Yup, we became best FRIENDS4LIFE. First we just chatted day and night. I thought she would hate it. But nope. She could handle my ADHD. That spark in her eyes. Told everything. We were made for each other. We had the same interests. She had so many awesome talents next to sex. She was just awesome. I felt in love. On that moment she was still dating and doing porn shoots. She actually hooked up with another guy. They had an open relationship. But one day she accidentally revealed her real name because of sending an transaction screenshot. We both were confused. Euh Lina. Do you think what I think…. Oh shit. Yup, now I started to know her in and out. We had no secrets. She shared every story of the day. Everything what she did. Asked me advice. And vice versa for me. It was an insane period. Do I finally feel love? We went already to an ero expo as vip, did an fully naked photo shoot together, participated again in an casting. But this time we were not allowed to do foreplay(she watched and didn’t participate in the act). And it was way too hot. She even complained to “Ashley more productions”. I was again disappointed after an awesome and stressful day. Because she was soo hot and beautiful, awesome, and I actually had an big stress of an discussion. Still. We kept growing and growing. I even gave her activity tips for her boyfriend. And I also helped her to create an adult website by asking WordPress support every answer she needed. Because I had premium. So I had 24/24 7/7 support of experts. I advised her in so many ways. Never pushed her. Then lockdown was there. This time I went to an gang bang from “Vlaanderen’s vuilste films”. It was not an casting. But it was an gangbang from their brand/label “gang bang nation”. This time I was over flooded by dicks, 4 horny girls begging to get fucked. Like wtf. Off course I had again no erection. Ok I walked in storm weather 10 km before I arrived. And it was last minute. But this should not effect me. It can’t be. I will succeed some day I thought. So it was again an experience. This time I saw “Nayomi sharp”again. I talked whole the time like a waterfall while she got fucked. I was next to her laying. While other men fucked her. Like, wtf was wrong with me Ahahaha. Nope. She could somehow appreciate my presence. And she remembered me directly from “Ashley more productions” on the ero expo. I received suddenly a blowjob from “miss lolly”. A famous gang bang slut. I didn’t knew her that time. I kept talking with nayomi. Suddenly the time was over. It was already 4 hours of fucking madness. And I was there like talking like I was just in class or something. No Michael! We are at the damn gang bang. Later that day I got an ride back from an guy. He told me a hard story which is not relevant to this story. But still. It was again an mindfuck and coincidence that I got in touch with such an person. It is like that my fate always pushes me to people with hard pasts. He got beaten up in nightlife in front of the security and police. Everybody was scared and in shock while he got beaten up by an gang that couldn’t stand him. He said something wrong. And suddenly his head became an football. He was in medical induced coma, and is damaged for whole his life. Like. Holy shit what a story and ending cliffhanger. Me off course already sharing everything with “suggey woogey”. It was my name that I gave her. I still loved her so much. But it was not possible. She told me that I actually should be lucky. Many guys see her one time. Or in their fantasies. I have her forever as a friend. I can write days. And in detail. But let’s skip a lot. End get to the point. In lockdown she became my best friend, my warmth, my distraction, my help to loneliness. Etc. I fucked her two times in an private gang bang, I studied every porn studio their movies. To visualize an upcoming casting. I bought the best product ever. An “man wand”. Basically the “magic wand” for males. It gives you the best forced orgasms, can test your stamina, your erection duration. Can improve your erection. And can actually give sometimes better blow jobs then any girl if it hits the right spot. So in short I trained the hell out of it. This time on masturbating. Multiple techniques, I needed to learn to enjoy time/to be in the moment, etc. My erections became so good that I actually didn’t need Viagra anymore. All thanks to Lina. We shared now already a lot in common. I didn’t go to hookers for 14 months. Because I wanted love. And actually we had suddenly feelings for each other. She stopped already with duo porn. Still does nude modeling, only fans, many vids, colabs for only masturbating or bdsm. So she took another turn. I was confused. 14 March 2021 I just wanted no more hookers. I wanted to chase an girlfriend. But yeah me and girls …Almost mission impossible you could say. Suddenly it turned out we became very deep best friends. But the love part was different. She has her job. She sees daily dick picks. And me. I just love her in the full package. I give her value, appreciation, etc. Still I really want to fuck her. But she advises me to still go to the hookers because it will not soon happen. She is scared about falling in love. The unknown. We both have an big sexual history. We both really don’t know love. She loves her job. Creating solo porn videos and doing some shoots as an adult model. I am just happy if she is happy.

But deeply inside our heart we both know that we actually have strong feelings if we see each other. I think that we are both scared. And that we both play it safe.

So in short. I had sexual trauma, worked on it, became vip In private escorts houses, met a girl on a porn set. We became best FRIENDS4LIFE. She stopped with duo porn. Still loves her job as solo porn actress/adult model. And I am dry for 15 months because of her. She never asked for this. But it is my fate telling me to stay positive. And things will change or come out of nowhere. Will I ever experience damn love? I don’t fucking know. In nightlife I come for dancing, in my sport I am focused and disciplined. And every week I am just crazy active or ko in bed. Still I search balance. And we have a very special bound. We know everything from each other. She understands me. I understand her. No secrets for each other. And I still want to fuck her😭🤦🏼‍♂️.

Anyways. Fuck or not. I can’t stay a-sexual. I got noticed already by multiple porn producers/directors. They asked me multiple times to participate in an movie. I just skipped, ignored. Because I just wanted Lina. But in 2023 I probably will do it. Because it just fits in my lifestyle. Because I just love sex. Especially the dirty wet slutty faces that beg for cum. Pardon me. My adhd is already taking control Ahahaha. I just go crazy horny from such a girls. It is maybe strange but I never experienced an normal girlfriend. And knew only the way of redlight district and private escorts houses…

So yeah. I have my desires, my hormones start to explode. 15 months no sex. Ok. I have a Netflix of porn only of Lina. Because it is all what I needed to survive lockdowns Ahahaha. I never watched other porn since I met Lina. It is really cool to have an crush that is actually a pornstar Ahahaha. No comments. Whatever. I can’t stay dry forever. And videos are just an temporary solution. It is one of my big passions. I am just disciplined. But once a girl asks me to fuck her like a toy. Please don’t ask me that twice. Ahahaha. My adhd mind goes trough the roof. Woop woop. I respect every girl. Never ask sex to non hookers. Never chase or date. Lina is an exception. But boy. Yeah girls are an wonderful thing. The moan of a girls orgasm never gets old RAAAAAH.